Moving houses in Brussels: A story about being literally hands on, saying good bye and cinnamon rolls

It’s been a while I posted anything. I was all scattered, despite starting to draft several texts that would end up unfinished and forgotten, after being interrupted from my creative process. I went quiet in the past three months, using sporadically my social media accounts. Instead my attention was taken by a moving project and a series of literal « hands-on » works. Then I moved in a new flat, together with my family,  I started unpacking and continuing the renovation works, all while trying to find my bearings.

Ever since I moved to Belgium, I moved flats several times, but so far it had never been such a massive operation, as moving from a place in which we lived for 16 years. The move preparation seemed to take forever, although I knew it had a fixed deadline. I packed boxes of books and clothes, I emptied drawers, cabinets and wardrobes. I scrubbed cabinets, shelves, sinks, tubs, kitchen appliances and high tops of furniture items. I hoovered over and over again and I mopped the floors energetically, while I was singing an invented song which was saying « Dear flat, thank you for having us – good bye! ».

And like any recent home owner, before moving into our new place, together with my husband, I did a seried of renovation works. For the connaisseurs, these renovation jobs may seem small, but for us, they were intense, stressful and gigantic. We had chosen to do it with our own inexperienced hands, thus we had to learn on the job, while being under a tight deadline.

Sanding, washing, scrubbing, filling holes, painting and repairing walls and doors – not in this particular order, were some of the activities that kept me and my husband busy over the summer. Even my mother took part, helping us in the process of sanding by hand the paint of four burgundy red doors that the previous owner had chosen to use. I also fixed and painted blue walls, red walls and purple walls. We went to DIY shops counteless times, searching not only for paint samples, but also for polyfillers, wall plasturing tools, filling foam and strong adhesive tape to secure the washing machine connection.

In our new place, we dealt with the dissapointment of the handyman that had promissed to do various jobs, and who suddently dissapeared, not replying his phone calls or messages. The same happened with the plumber who came, had a look and never sent a quote. It seems that some sort of ‘paranormal’ dissapearance regularly occurs in Brussels amongst tradesmen, that vanish without a trace after the initial survey visit. I am kidding, of course, or perhaps not?

A Brussels style move

We moved to our new place in Brussels style, on a slightely rainy day, helped by four marvelous movers, a special lift and  a huge truck in which you could no longer fit a niddle. We had our heavy furniture removed from our old flat through the windows, by using a lift with an elevated platform, as per the normal moving practices in Brussels. For the movers this was work as usual. For me, this was overwhelming, despite moving just a few blocks away.

I watched in awe how the movers were rebuilding our wardrobes without any installation plan, and how fast they were placing the furniture in our new place. Luckily I had already thought of what goes where. Then we started living amongst boxes, as unpacking seems to be a surprising long process that can last months, apparently even years. I dealt with a snappy engineer from the internet provider, who almost had a meltdown because the internet devices and cables were packed together with a bunch of other cables, chargers, adaptors and other electronics, and he couldn’t find immediately what he needed in order to meet the installation time goals.

And the funniest thing, I ran several coaching sessions focused on life transitions, surrounded by towers of boxes, sat on the floor and using a cardboard box as a desk. Thank you, blurred screen, and thank you coaching supervision and mentoring, for allowing me to stay present in the sessions, and allowing me to keep what was mine outside of the coaching conversation.

We still don’t have curtains hanging in all the rooms, despite the multiple holes my husband drilled into the wall. The walls are reinforced with steel around the windows, and installing a curtain rail seems a horribly complex and stressful matter. But at least it gets darker earlier these days.

Moving homes – an emotionnally challanging experience

Moving after living in the same place for over 16 years was an emotionnally challanging experience. In my case, the old place was deeply linked to the feeling of safety, although I was aware that safety was just a matter of extreme familiarity. Easier said than done, as my brain, when it comes to feeling safe, is far from being rational. In any case, I made sure we took the time to allow closure, and all the family members had the chance to say « good bye and thank you » to the old appartement in one way or another. Rubbing and cleaning it before handing it over to the landlady (by the way, she was the most amazing land lady we ever had) helped immensely, as if that physical work allowed me to process my emotions.

Then it came the adaptation to the new place, that felt strange and unknown. The noises at night in a new home, that still needs to be be furnished feel so scary, especially late in the night. The temporary light bulbs lightening the apartment, while waiting for the actual light fittings to be installed, made the rooms feel cold and unfriendly, despite having our familiar furniture there. The morning and evening routines, so important for a young child, were drastically disrupted. Getting ready or finding even the most unsignificant objects like socks became extremely stressful activities. So many times I had the feeling as if I were living in somebody else’s home. The truth is, when you lived in the same place for an extended length of time, and then move to a new place, even if you own the latter, it takes time (and energy) to make it feel like home. The whole adjustement is stressful and tiring, although the most stressful activities like packing, renovation under a short deadine, and the actual move are finished.

We moved  just several blocks away, and despite that we were still overwhelmed. What about the impact of changing not only a flat, but jobs, schools, countries,  leaving behind all that was known, and having to start completely from scratch, as so many expats experience? The move and the adaptation come with hidden costs, whether we chose to acknowledge them or not. Repressing and numbing feelings can work for some extent of time, as a coping mechanism, but it is not sustainable, nor healthy in the long run. Children may experience intense emotions, difficult behaviours, highly disturbed sleep and even go on hunger strikes, when dealing with a major change in their routine, affecting their stability and their feeling of safety.

Dealing with the gap between the expectations and the actual reality

Then there’s dealing with the reality of the new place and managing the gap between the initial impressions and expectations. The oven that suddenly stops and interrupts the electricity in a room, although it looked like brand new. The leaking fridge. The unexpected thin walls that made me hear every sound in the neighbouring room. The highly unpleasant sound of the voice of one of my neighbours having arguments and loud discutions with her family members on her balcony, pretty much every day. The horrible and incessant smell of smoke of cigarettes and cigares coming from the same neighbour’s balcony which made me feel anxious every time I was going out on my own balcony. The reinforced walls that prevented us several times from being able to drill and install the well needed curtains. The unexpected dark kitchen and living room in the morning, as we had never visited the apartment early in the moment. The extremely loud discussions of my neighbours on the balcony that could be heard from the living room until late in the evening. The low quality pipes that could drip in the kitchen, or the smoke detector alarms that could be triggered at any hour, including late during the night.

And although soon it’s three months since we moved, although the place starts gradually to look like a home, despite the unfinished wall paintings and the repairs that are still pending,  I still find myself from time to time picturing the old place, when searching for various objects. A bedroom is still used as a storage space, as for some mysterious reasons, although we kept all the furniture, we don’t seem to find storage spaces, which it’s understandable as the furniture we have was chosen for a different apartment layout. For this matter, several trips and purchases from Ikea have become a recurrent activity, to the delight of my son, for whom the Swedish furniture shop equals meatballs and cinnamon rolls.

Less clutter, more space

Moving homes has been a major change for me, especially from the perspective of a hypersensitive individual. It also prevented me from having enough bandwidth to organise the usual public workshops on wellbeing topics such as sleep, burnout prevention, or the expansive laughter yoga. I needed time to settle, time to find my grounding and re-energise myself, before being able to contribute and give back again to others.

The clutter of moving boxes and endless carrier bags is gradually being sorted, allowing more peace of mind, focus and space.

And although the area serving as my home office is still untidy, with boxes waiting to be unpacked, I managed to catch up with some reading two books that I warmly recommend: « Coaching for Wellbeing – An Evidence-based guide for practitioners » by Ana Paula Nacif and « Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout » by Kristin Neff.

When unpacking became too much, I decided to integrate slots dedicated to different activities – such as reviewing my notes and reflections following a recent course training on Coaching for Burnout that I completed earlier this year with Balanceology – The UK Institute for Burnout Coaching. I highly recommend this course, especially if you are a coach, wanting to better understand the burnout phenomenon and get equipped with adequate tools and attitude.

And I know, some of you already asked me several times – yes, the face-to-face public workshops will be back in Brussels. Although I am taking it step by step, I am working on the scheduling of several public wellbeing workshops around sleep, laughter yoga practice, burnout prevention and self-compassion, with or without cinnamon rolls. I will announce them on the socials and of course, in the Wellbeing Events section.

Announcing three coaching openings (Transitions, Wellbeing & Burnout Prevention / Burnout support)

If you too are looking for a space to explore a major change, or you wonder how else you could tackle the stressors in your life, in a different way than using a cold and judgemental « suck it up and move on » approach,

if you are worried that you are moving into the direction of a burnout and you would like to reflect with a partner on ways to prevent it,

or perhaps you already burned out and you are now in the process of recovery,

or if you simply want to explore how you can integrate wellbeing into your life and its multiple sides: personal, professional, relational, emotional, or something else, you might consider getting support through one-on-one coaching ( length and duration to be determined in collaboration with you).

I currently have availability for:

• Two spots for one-on-one Coaching (various packages available) and
• One spot for PRO-BONO Coaching (online, conditions apply, e.g. your testimonial)

Interested or know somebody who might be interested in undertaking a coaching support journey, then do get in touch to organise a FREE Call for a Coaching Discovery Meeting.

What do you need now, in order to feel well?

Meanwhile, if you are going through a major change, or any type of change that feels tremendous, if things are rough, give yourself some kindness and support, just as the way you would be supportive and kind to a dear friend.

If you are in the middle of a house move, drowning in boxes, packing, admin sorting out and experiencing endless frustration and overwhelm, you may want to acknowledge that this is really tough, frustrating and overwhelming.

You may ask yourself – “What do I need now, in order to feel well?“. It may be a hug, a long breath, getting a cup of tea, or dropping everything for a few minutes and taking some air, or anything else that can work for you, with or without cinnamon rolls.

This will too pass.

“If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet…” – Rachel Wolchin.